chickenfarmersan:

2014: touch my butt and buy me pizza

2015: play with my hair and call me baby girl

2016: vape in my pussy and call me your meme slut

2017: choke me and hit me with your car

2018: hey peebrain…you like to teleport?

jemthecrystalgem:

neptunes-salty-butthole:

cheshiretiffy:

pats-a-lats:

Things just transpired in my house hold that are equal parts offensive and hilarious… Here goes.

So my roommate, Dale, has a gf who does not live with us, but she’s here all the time. So Sunday when my gf was her we were on the couch and we kissed (scandalous, I know) and she saw it, and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time she’s seen us be affectionate, that’s neither here nor there.

So today she tells Dale she’s “uncomfortable” here and wants him to move out because she thinks me and my lady are going to hit on her or something, she doesn’t like living with lesbians, cause it’s not “normal”, so now I’m pissed. Then, Dale goes, “well you don’t live here, so it shouldn’t be a problem, just stop coming over”…things escalated and Dale is trying to break up with her, but she won’t leave our house….she locked herself in Dales room.

So, Dale barges in my room wearing a bathrobe and goes, “call every lesbian you know, we’re smoking this bitch out!” Then turns around and whips his robe like a cape…

And that’s the story of how there are 8 lesbians climbing through the window of Dales room…

Holy shit.

This is glorious

I like Dale. He’d break up with a bigoted girlfriend and he wears bathrobes like a cape. Not everyone would wear a bathrobe like a cape.

yellowsuggestion:

w-ackattack:

yellowsuggestion:

your toes sink deep into the sands. it is quiet here. it is soft.you are safe, in the embrace of the waves.

bro

bro thats

thats quicksand

me, neck deep in sand: what no the floor is just hugging me